Sexuality, and the morals of sex, have always played a large role in my life. Ever since I was a little kid, I was taught that sex before marriage is wrong; plain and simple, no questions asked. Growing up in a very conservative area of the country, it wasn’t just my parents that espoused this view, it was the viewpoint of the community as a whole (even though what was preached and what was practiced didn’t always jive, as evidenced by my towns out-of-wedlock birth rate).

In addition, the subject was treated like a leper at the Temple of Jerusalem, it was avoided and untouched. When sex was discussed, it was done so very squeemishly. My parent’s told me the bare bones of what I needed to be told (though I wasn’t totally open to having a thorough discussion with them about this), the schools were allowed to only go so far, and the subject was nonexistent in my church. So, how did this dogmatic hands off teaching of sexuality mix with my pubescent growth as a teen? It caused me to learn from television, magazines, and teenage gossip. It caused my sexuality to become a fascinating secret wrapped up in ignorant imagination and guilt. What wasn’t discussed, and what I believe is missing in today’s discussion about sex that would help tremendously, is less dogma on the subject and more openness on the development of a Jesus’ modeled male masculinity in which sex is a part.

For men I believe this is one of the most important subjects we need to teach and one in which sex is a vital subject. I don’t have all the answers, but I believe Pastor Jose has touched on this. We must learn how to treat each other as human beings and not cardboard cut-outs that fit our personal desires. We must learn how to develop initimacy that involves the entirety of a person and not just their sexuality. We must learn how to see the presence of God in our partner and honor it. Finally, we must be open to discuss our trials and mistakes so that the ghosts of guilt don’t haunt our spiritual growth.

Sexuality, along with the need for food, is the one of the biggest drives in our human psyche, everything we do can be related back to it. The church can’t be a prude place. With sex being such a dominating force in every one of our lives, how can our church ignore the subject and just lay down a blanket rule and move on? The statistics of single-parent households as well as adoption and abortion rates are too staggering for us to ignore. I applaud Pastor Jose for opening up this dialogue. I also applaud him on his stance that as Chrisians we have to approach sexuality in a different way. That different way, I believe for us men, is incorporated in a discussion of a Jesus modeled male masculinity!

By Stephen Tickner